Thursday, March 11, 2010

Miracles Happen

AFTER A WHILE YOU LEARN THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOLDING A HAND AND CHAINING A SOUL.

AND YOU LEARN THAT LOVE DOESN'T MEAN SECURITY.

AND YOU BEGIN TO LEARN THAT KISSES AREN'T CONTRACTS. AND PRESENTS ARE PROMISES.

AND YOU BEGIN TO ACCEPT YOUR DEFEATS WITH YOUR HEAD UP AND YOUR EYES OPEN.
WITH THE GRACE OF A WOMAN, NOT THE GRIEF OF A CHILD.

AND YOU LEARN TO BUILD ALL YOUR ROADS ON TODAY BECAUSE TOMORROW'S GROUND IS TOO UNCERTAIN, AND FUTURES HAVE A WAY OF FALLING DOWN IN MID-FLIGHT.

AFTER A WHILE YOU LEARN THAT EVEN SUNSHINE BURNS IF YOU GET TOO MUCH.

SO YOU PLANT YOUR OWN GARDEN AND DECORATE YOUR OWN SOUL AND INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO BRING YOU FLOWERS.

AND YOU LEARN THAT YOU REALLY CAN ENDURE. THAT YOU REALLY CAN ENDURE. THAT YOU REALLY ARE STRONG. AND YOU REALLY DO HAVE WORTH. AND YOU LEARN AND LEARN. WITH EVERY GOODBYE YOU LEARN.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Quote of the Day

"A woman is like a tea bag. You'll never know how strong she is until she's in hot water." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

(Overdue) Update

Many of you may know about my "life" changes, and all the ugly details. I've thought about posting on my blog for a long time. Posting all the ugly details and bashing him for all wrongs. But I decided against that. So instead I just thought I'd post a little update.

First, he's still in Serbia, as far as I know. He left July 24. Since then he has made one phone call to his kids, which was sometime in August. He has also sent them two packages. One in September just before Nada's 11th birthday, the other mid-December for Christmas. He sent them some Benneton outfits (that they don't wear) and $50 each, along with cards/letters saying how much he loves them and how proud he is of them. I'm not going to comment. The fact that he has no contact with them even when he has his daughters direct cell phone number and email address says it all. Oh yeah, and when Nada called her grandmother's house last August, her grandmother hung up on her. That was after the email he left for her when we came back from Pennsylvania last July saying she could call him anytime at that number.

The good news. We are doing JUST FINE! The kids don't ask about him. They don't cry about missing him. As far as I know, they are HAPPY. How am I? Aside from financially stressed, I am RELAXED. For 11 years I have tip-toed on egg shells waiting for the next unexpected argument. I have wondered why he was so unhappy. I have felt as if our family here took second place to his family in Serbia. Yes, that has definitely been confirmed. I could go on with a lengthy explanation as to why I asked for a seperation, but it really doesn't matter at this point. He left the country, he left his kids, he left all his responsibility here (he quit his job in October). He accuses me of being "demonically possessed". He is the saint who attends church every day in Serbia. Is it Christ like to abandon your kids and all your obligations to them just to get revenge with your wife? I'm not the best Christian, but I would not abandon my kids for anything.

Will he ever return? I don't know. I can't say I don't care, because I do for the sake of the kids. But they won't hold me responsible if he never comes back. They know what it was like to live in a house where one minute we could be laughing and the next he and I could be throwing things at each other. I made this decision because it was the best for all of us. I truly believe Milan could have been happy here. More happy living apart from me than living with me. I pray one day he'll realize this and forgive me.